Suite de mes mémoires sur le blog d'Antoine (contribution by 3abbes)

1) Yesterday I attended a meeting of the alumni of my university here in Riyadh. They are organizing a fund raising activity by hosting the La Yumal troop here in Riyadh, a very daring move. Next year we'll be organizing the Riyadh International Theater Competition and life will be so much more interesting in this God forsaken religion infested oasis of concrete and mad drivers to whom a Toyota pick-up truck is the ultimate machine.

2) Newly Married Couples: Nothing can be more irritating than a newly married couple (one is 25 and the other is 11 / no actually she must be around 23). A newly married couple with an average age of 23+25/2= 24 is an absolute bore in Riyadh, especially if they come from a conservative milieu. I only met one of these couples, but they were so irritating that I am compelled to generalize and include all other couples.

3) Why They Are Irritating? Because a fresh marriage is full of bullshit and crap. He wants to support his wife in everything she does as a proof that he loves her or to defend his choice of having married her, and she has made a decision to only say and do stupid things. To more mature married people and to single exilés like myself, such a situation is very irritating and can be a little embarrassing, something like watching Sabouhha on TV.

4) The Pride of Being Married.
A newly married couple will always have a condescending attitude to any single creature that is smart enough to have taken the choice not to marry the first girl/boy in school who held their hand in gym class (and what are the chances...). If you are being newly introduced to the couple, the following scene is bound to happen, with maybe some variations on the same theme:

Salim (Introducing himself): Salim the Coconut
Newly Married Her: tcharafna, Layla
Newly Married Him: tcharafna, Mohammad.

Before you can even think of asking them any obvious stupid exclamatory question like “So you are married! It must be nice…” the Newly Married Him along with his wife will charge you with a blunt question that will determine the relation between you as Salim the Coconut and the newly married couple:

Newly Married Him: So, are you married?
Salim the Coconut (politely): No No …
Newly Married Him (like an adjudent chef in the Lebanese Army): Engaged?
Salim the Coconut: No.. I .. really
Newly Married Him: You should
Salim the Coconut: Euuuuh.. you know.. I
Newly Married Him (imperatively although the imperative mode is very difficult to use with such a question): Why not?
Salim the Coconut (by now attempting a tactical withdrawal to the corner of the old ladies who are always pleased to chat with the “Younger Generation”): Because I, well the situation back in Lebanon is really not…
Newly Married Him (Posing as a proof that despite the situation you can get married): Ah yes yes I see

During this entire ridiculous conversation the Newly Married Her maintained a very sick smile on her face with her head tilting a little to the opposite side of her husband’s head. She was looking at Salim the Coconut with eyes reflecting how proud she was of her husband who was pounding Salim with imbecilic questions.

Salim the Coconut: Well if you will excuse me I will go and chat with Mme. Samira… she is such a nice lady
Newly Married Her: Yes! Isn’t she!!! (why the excitement, Samira is as boring as an oyster in a living room aquarium…)
Salim the Coconut: yes yes isn’t she…. Well nice meeting you… he he (stupid smiles)

And finally I manage to complete my Dunkirk withdrawal to reach the shores of safety and boredom next to Mme. Samira.

In future social gatherings, I will make sure not to mingle with this couple. I hope that in a few years they will be bored enough of each other to become a little more interesting. If I am still here by then I might consider a second attempt, but they will probably have children then and their ego will be amplified by the fact that their marriage has been fruitful and and and….