Here’s How I Met Her: She Leaped on Me

Click on the title above to see the reference article mentioned in this post. Thank you nervora for sending us the original article, giving us more reason to curse samir khalaf.

Here’s How I Met Her: She Leaped on Me
(By Sally the Leaping Kangaroo)

I want to say something about Samir Khalaf and his pornographic opinions about the disbalance in the male/female ratio in Lebanon which he so academically expressed to a reporter of the New York Times: 5 females for every male in Lebanon, and the mating season is December 20 – January 5, June 20 – August 25 and, depending on the moon, also during Eid el Fitr (When Muslims celebrate the Holly Mushroom that the Prophet Greendizer (peace may be upon him but not us) threw at the infidels in the War of the Sands). But while I was preparing myself to start cursing Mr. Khara… I mean Khalaf.. Pierre Gemayel is assassinated by a strange looking person wearing red shoes, a rainbow shirt, baggy pants and a blue hair wig in a very crowded area East of Beirut. The blue haired person disappeared mysteriously in a flashy green Cadillac. Witnesses in the area said that the person could be Roger Rabbit and the flashy Cadillac looked a lot like Wi’am Wahhab. But that will be for another episode of your favourite show: “We Hate You!”. For now let us curse Samir Kharaf.

“The demographic reality is truly alarming,” Professor Khalaf said.
“There are no jobs for university graduates, and with the boys leaving, the sex
ratios are simply out of control. It is now almost five to one: five young girls
for every young man. When men my sons’ age come back to Lebanon, they can’t keep
the girls from leaping at them.”

Ok Mr. Khalaf. Your son in an Abanderado underwear model. I was in Lebanon during Mr. Kharaf’s alleged mating season (and I am working abroad and have occasionally received compliments on my looks), but it seemed to me that it was mostly the Italian and Spanish UN troops who were trying to keep the girls from leaping at them. I really wonder why the girls in Lebanon don’t leap on the Lebanese soldiers who are in the Independent Mouhafaza of South Lebanon… I mean they are also carrying M16s (For the girls, M16: American made automatic rifle…) and have green, red, blue and brown berets, while the UN guys only have blue berets… Maybe we should redeploy the army to Gemayzeh…

One more:

Samir Khalaf, a professor of sociology at
the American University of Beirut, said the scene astonished his American
colleagues. “They are just shocked,” he said. “ ‘This is Lebanon, the Middle
East?’ they say. They can’t stop talking about all the belly buttons, about all
these highly eroticized bodies. You see it everywhere here, this combination of
consumerism and postmodernism and female competition.”

A “combination of consumerism and postmodernism and female competition”!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How the fuck do you link those three????? Wlak kiss immak, 3am imm illi allak rou7 shar bil Gemayzeh… 3am imm el amarken… 3am imm el postmodernity… Mr. Kharaf, you were a good friend of the late (and most respected) Edward Said, and you never cease to brag about it; didn’t you learn anything from reading Orientalism? Couldn’t it just be that your American colleagues have glasses called “A Thousand and One Nights”??? Postmodernity and female competition!!!! Allah la yfay2ak…